Instagram and the Art Nude

Art Model, Susan ©2013 Terrell Neasley

"Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life." Well, that's what they say. Is it true? Hell, naw. When you love something you'd better work your ass of at it or you won't be loving it for long. So the work continues. You get better or you stagnate and if you stagnate you die. So what is it that I love. I love the art nude and I love travel. Its pretty much all I ever want to shoot. Making a living at just that can be challenging. How do you make a living with nudes outside of porn? And there is no shortage of travel photogs out there. In fact, I'd say there is a stark surplus of shooters traveling all over the world and returning with highly interesting imagery.

When I first turned professional after losing my job at the Nevada State Treasurer's Office, I did so after a long deliberation. For the first month I was unemployed, I did absolutely nothing related to job hunting or planning for my future. I enjoyed myself and relaxed. On day 32, I decided I'd turn pro in photo. I had all the gear I needed already and I was definitely good enough. One thing I knew for sure was that I did not want to be like every other photog swinging a lens. So I spent Month 2, five days a week, bending my brain on all the possibilities of what niche I'd carve for myself. By the end of that month, I only needed to begin my work and  execute my plan.

Anonymous Art Model, ©2014 Terrell Neasley 

And so this is where I find myself once again. Travel and Art Nude photography is the WHAT. And that's why I sit here in Quetzaltenango, Guatemala in my "penthouse" apartment that I've been renting for the last 3 months figuring out the HOW. My plan is to use this as a staging point til September and at that time,  I'll be ready to continue my adventure as I fly to Colombia. I should have the rest of the gear I need by then with a plan on execution. One of my considerations deals with platforms and that's where Instagram comes in.

I am so pissed with IG. I can't stand the censorship. Actually, there are a lot of things with which I take issue with them, but for now, lets stick to the censoring of my work. I don't know how some pages get away with it, but my profile is constantly getting censored images taken down and I have no clue as to what Community Guidelines were violated. No clue even which pics were deleted at times. No recourse to understand anything. They don't let you contact them so you can't ask questions. No clue if an algorithm is incorrectly targeting my already censored edits. OR, if an anonymous person is reporting my images and they get deleted without due scrutiny. And apparently, after a quick check, I discovered that some of my images have been SHADOW BANNED! They still appear on my profile page where I can see them, but YOU can not see them. You can check to see your's on INSTAGRAM SHADOW BAN TESTER. So I'm not sure if this is the right platform for me anymore.

Art Model, Samantha ©2010 Terrell Neasley

I can't stand being beholden to someone else's sensibilities on what is obscene or offensive to other viewers. I do my work and my art and believe you, me...I plan to misbehave. Some of my artwork leans towards the explicit and I don't know what to tell you... you can simply not look at it if you don;t like it. I won't be offended. Ergo, I need a new platform to display and exhibit my work. VERO, is a possibility but I still have time to search this out. Maybe I'll keep IG solely for the Travel work. I won't make this call until later this fall.

Instagram is only part of my challenge. I've still got to find favorable venues and platforms that won't limit or censor my work. And that means I have to tap into a demographic that appreciates and purchases my art which leaves me with with the task of finding my real audience. Plenty of people are interested in travel photography, visiting places around the world, and living vicariously through those that do in the form of instant access social media. That demographic is easy. A smaller portion of that demographic is interested in seeing a nipple exposed anywhere near a waterfall. And even less want a full frontal nude body "desecrating", what would have otherwise been appropriate imagery to hang on a family wall. I can be a bit obstinate, I know. Because the easy solution is to just stick to the travel landscape and make everybody happy. And that would be great, but it would come at the cost of my own happiness. I can not do that.

Multiple Art Models, ©2013 Terrell Neasley

So for the time being, I keep shooting. Get my gear. (I'll be ordering my laptop soon!) And keep researching, learning, and planning. I'll make my call this fall.

Don't Be Afraid

Art Model, Covenant ©2015 Terrell Neasley

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." 

~ Nelson Mandela

Don't be afraid.

You know I can honestly leave this post at just those 3 words, but anybody who knows me, knows I am never that succinct. I like to use my words, so let me articulate my meaning here. Elocution would serve better, but since I have not as of yet published my work via podcasts, the written word will suffice. As a former Staff Sergeant in the Army, my voice can deliver the intended affect with inflection and tone that deliver my meaning more accurately, but I will try to get my point across, nonetheless. Maybe one day I'll do a speech on the matter. For now...the written word.

Art Model, Samantha ©2011 Terrell Neasley

We all fear. Its inevitable that something will arise that will cause fear at some point in our lives. However, as you may already know, its how we respond to the fear that makes the difference. As a kid, I used to get my ass kicked just about daily, until I decided to make some changes. Since I was already taking a beating, how would striking back and defending myself make matters worse? So I learned to hit back...hard. Interestingly enough, the beatings stopped. Correlation? You tell me.

Today, I live differently. I don't have to fight like that so much. There are other things in life that make me afraid, but those early years, along with some military refining has helped me control fears better, (but not eliminate them, however). Now, I almost have fun with it. Fear lets me take on life challenges that can be rewarding times ten more when you overcome them. I tend to run towards things I fear, which may not be wise at times, but I'm not altogether stupid either.

Art Model, Enyo ©2011 Terrell Neasley

Don't be afraid of the opinion of others. This is especially so, concerning those who should have little influence on your well-being, income, or health.

Don't be afraid of being the only one. It can be lonely to go it alone but you will find out more about yourself, your capabilities, and thereby boosting your confidence. Not everyone has your vision or wants to do what you want to do. That doesn't mean you have to flow with the status quo. Do you.

"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. It's where all the fruit is." 

~Shirley MacLaine

Don't be afraid to lose things, people, or money. It's bound to happen and you'll have to accept that fact. Its supposed to be that way when you think about it. People will come and go, but that's not always a bad thing. Things are temporary and you'll always be getting more stuff.

Don't be afraid to try new things. This is how you learn and experience the world.

Art Model, Anne ©2015 Terrell Neasley

Don't be afraid to fail. I've heard is said, "Failure is not the opposite of Success. It is PART of it." You'll make mistakes. Get up and learn from it.

Don't be afraid of the unknown. You don't know everything. In fact, you know very little. Hence, most of the universe is unknown to you. Think about how much you didn't know 5 years ago. The things you know today were unknown to you then. You don't always need to play it safe. Be smart. Get outside the lines a little bit. You'll thank me.

Don't be afraid to start that adventure. Old people don't brag about how many overtime hours they spent at the office. That shit doesn't make for good stories.

Art Model Emese, ©2011 Terrell Neasley

"An artist must be free to choose what he does, certainly, but he must also never be afraid to do what he might choose."

~ Langston Hughes

Don't be afraid to be hated. Not everyone will like you, especially when you start getting good and succeeding. That's just a fact. It means you're likely enjoying yourself. Don't sabotage your own happiness worrying about somebody hating on you.

Don't be afraid of bad circumstances. It happens. Its going to happen again. How you respond to bad circumstances is what makes the bad circumstances permanent or not. And if they are not permanent...why worry?

Don't be afraid to trust yourself. In all actuality, you can't trust yourself, but you should. You're going to fail. You're going to let yourself down. However all that matters is the fact that you still control you. You 100% can't control anyone else. You CAN control you. So that makes you the most trustworthy person alive. Having some self control issues? Well, stop that shit.

Art Model, Melissa ©2009 Terrell Neasley

Don't be afraid to keep learning...from anybody. I learn as much from an 80 year old as I can from an 18 year old. I can't say what I might learn from an 8 year old, but I'm sure its possible, somehow. You won't know it all. Ever. So keep soaking up information and tidbits of wisdom where you find it. Keep your mind open because you'll likely come across it in some of the most unlikely places. Age, social status, economic class, race... if you limit where you can accept learning because of these dividing lines, you limit the potential you can evolve to. Cut that shit out.

Now go handle your business.

Art Model, KristiC ©2016 Terrell Neasley

Another Surgery plus 2010 Interview of Me by Karl

"My body could stand the crutches but my mind couldn't stand the sideline."

~ Michael Jordan

Wow. This has been an interesting month so far. I wish I could tell you about all the wonderful shoots I've been on, but alas, such is not the case. Knee surgery has been the theme of the month so far. Weeks of trying to prep for it and now just recovering from it. My daughter and son in law decided to take vacation time to come and assist me for the first week. I didn't think I needed it, really. I was wrong. Pain meds haven't been helping and the doc sees no reason to give me anything stronger, so I've just stopped taking anything all together. This isn't the first time I've had to deal with the VA no understanding the problem. I can't say why I don't respond like they think I should to medication. I wish I was more of a typical case for them, but I'm not.

I don't expect the kiddos had that great of a time trying to accommodate me over the last week. I know I was being a bear. I didn't want to stay seated or immobilized and the thought of having to use the word "can't" for routine tasks tasted bitter in my mouth. It wasn't until reading about my procedure online that the truth sort of sunk in to where I understood it. The docs told me I'd be looking at 6 to 8 weeks. In my mind, that adds up to half that time for me. I'm strong. I recover quicker than most. And I can handle it. 6 to 8 weeks is the general "play it safe" recovery time for the average guy. I couldn't have been more wrong. I had so many other people tell me a simple scope of the knee is an in and out 2 to 3 week thing. Even my primary care doc told me I'd be on my feet in 3 weeks top. So why was the othopedic surgeon saying 6 to 8? Well, what he knew that the others didn't was that he was also performing a Microfracture procedure on my knee, whereby you drill small holes into the larger pot-hole that's already at the end of my femur. This is supposed to encourage bone/cartilage growth to fill in the hole naturally. THAT's the part that takes so long. Weight-bearing activities such as "walking", can prohibit the bone growth. So 6 to 8 weeks ON CRUTCHES is what's prescribed.

I simply had no clue and didn't understand that I'd be on crutches this long. SIX to EIGHT weeks! Wow. I simply cannot get that out of my mind. That possibly puts me all the way out to mid-March! I've already had to postpone two projects to the end of March. I don't know if you realize it, but that also means postponing getting paid til the end of March. Which simply means I gotta slow down spending big time. Personal projects have also been postponed. My continued work with Panda is having to be delayed as well. And I have a couple other models whom I thought I'd be working with around the first week of Feb, that I've had to simple cancel til further notice.


The good thing is that I just have to get through this doing the right things. Its believed that I get another 10 to 15 years of "good knee" time, instead of what I've been dealing with over the last decade. Two months for 10 years. Not a bad trade. To my understanding, this 2 months doesn't include rehabilitation time. I won't find that out til next week. I had 10 weeks rehab for my hand last year. I read in one place where full recovery might not be expected for 6 months! So this'll be interesting.

Karl of "Looking About" blog has reposted an interview he did of me a few years ago. After a look back on that time period, I sort of wonder what my answers might be today and if any of them have changed. Not much would be different, I presume. I think I'd answer the same in about 27 of them at least. Its a good reflection because I was definitely in two different places in 2010 vs today. I was coming out of some pretty hard months in oh-10 and even the 3 years before then. In fact, I think it may even be time for another "Interview of Self" like what I did a long time ago in 2008.

1. What is your favorite word? Altruism
2. What is your least favorite word? Normal
3. What turns you on? A naked woman
4. What turns you off? Clothes!....kidding...People who don't take responsibility for themselves and pass the blame.
5. What sound or noise do you love? Bacon sizzling in the morning would be the least crass answer
6. What sound or noise do you hate? Its a tie between a high-pitched nagging voice and an alarm clock
7. What is your favorite curse word? Fuck
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Probably acting, but I used to dream about playing football
9. What profession would you not like to do? There are plenty but I'm going with Nursing. I've got much respect for them, but its not my gift.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Come on....Get your butt on in here!
11. What is your idea of perfect happiness? Traveling the world with boundless resources and a model that I photograph everywhere, all the time
12. What is your greatest fear? I honestly can't say I have one. I mean, I certainly don't want to be eaten by an alligator or fall from the empire state building but they are not fears of mine that I think about all the time. 
13. Which historical figure do you most identify with? Galileo Galilei, just because he's the only person I can think of who was also misunderstood.
14. Which living person do you most admire? Other than family....Billy Graham, Chris St. James, and Bill Cosby (How can you stick with just one?)
15. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Procrastination
16. What is the trait you most deplore in others? Lack of integrity
17. What is your greatest extravagance? I spent $400 on comic books once, but I've since sold my collection and not bought another since 1994, I think.
18. On what occasion do you lie? When I have to take into account someone else's feelings and the truth is not worth the heartache or when I need to be polite because I need the business.
19. What do you dislike most about your appearance? I'm actually cool with myself. If I had to say any one thing its that I look mean when I am not smiling.
20. When and where were you happiest? Christmas at Mama Carrie's as a kid
21. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I'd be kinder to people and more understanding
22. If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be? Me. That's all I have control over.
23. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Jeremy and Cassie
24. If you died and came back as a person or thing what do you think it would be? As a person: A white female, just so I could experience the opposite of my current self. As far as a thing, I'd want to be a star just for the billions of years galactic experience 
25. What is your most treasured possession? My faith
26. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? A disapproval of yourself because of someone else's opinion
27. Who are your heroes in real life? My Mother
28. What is it that you most dislike? A coward
29. How would you like to die? Old age preferably, but if not, then on my feet in a way that makes it count
30. What is your motto? Stay alert, Stay alive! Hooooah!

Inspirations

"I wish more people felt that photography was an adventure the same as life itself and felt that their individual feelings were worth expressing. To me, that makes photography more exciting."

- Harry Callahan

"Bamboo", Terrell Neasley

"Saddle in Panguitch", Terrell Neasley

I follow several blogs. Some are friends that I keep tabs with and others are professional resources from which I glean information. One in particular has made encouraging impacts with a few blog posts which you can find at Chase Jarvis's Blog. The first one of note was simply timely, entitled "Everything is Going to Be Alright". I was really in need of slowing down and de-stressing when I got the email version of his blog in my In Box. I laughed out loud when I saw it. (Saying I LOL just didn't sound right.) Needless to say, several commentators shared my sentiments as your scrolled down the comment list. His next blog post was also timely, but more of a good truism or principle to live by. "The Only Things That Really Matter Are..." was posted just a few days later and once again, after reading it, I LOL'ed...(or is it L'ed OL?) He recounts the most important things that relate to who you can become and what you can do. Its really an excellent short read.

NHRA '09 Hotrod, Terrell Neasley

I'm just finishing up on two projects that deal with my health and my profession. Its too complicated to go into details, but suffice to say, it has consumed my attention, efforts, time, money, and energy over the last six months. Paperwork...lots of paperwork, research, editing, etc. Now, I've got it pretty much all done and it seems like I'm in a sort of state of mind that begs the question, "Okay, so now what?" Well, in addition to working my profession, I want to start getting back to doing personal projects and making goals again. Specifically, I need to get shooting more nudes, but also I want to start doing alternative and film photography with specialty cameras. I got a Holga Pinhole camera six months ago and I have YET to put this thing through its paces. Part of that is because I want to do some nudes with it, but I have to also find some color medium format film for the thing and probably lots of it. Then its off to experimenting with a patient model. The latest issue of Rangefinder Magazine has some interesting ideas related to Scott Highton's Virtual Reality photography that I'd like to explore. Just got the mag in yesterday and I'm anxious to finish pouring through it. Lots of good stuff.

"Tower of Power", by Terrell Neasley, from a recent hike

"End of a Beetle", by Terrell Neasley
from a recent hike

I've also met a few inspirational people along the way here recently. Model, Selena Bree from a recent interview is one. I've got personal reasons to travel around over the next 3 to 4 months, but Selena Bree is another model I've got to get to Arkansas to work with. She's full of life with an attitude that makes you want to be around her. Very charming woman. Samantha came by to see me a few weeks ago. I've lauded her several times on this blog, as a search for her reveals. And then there's a conversation with a fellow photographer and friend who got to talking to me about hiking the Appalachian Trail. Her dream is to do the Pacific Crest Trail someday. Me...I want to do the trifecta. The AT is 2200 miles from Georgia to Maine. The PCT is 2600 miles from Mexico to Canada, and then there's the Continental Divide that runs 3100 miles which starts in Mexico and runs up New Mexico, Colorado, Wyoming, touches Idaho, then Montana, and on into Canada. Talking to her was inspirational in that it got me to refocusing on being able to make that happen. In the process, I began war-gaming a way to shoot models throughout each of the hike. It'd take some serious coordinations and even more intestinal fortitude, but I'd like to do each of these trail systems over a 3 year period. I'll probably need some sponsorship or maybe some kind of funding from grants or friends. This talk coincided with a new doctor that I've been seeing that suggests he might be able to fix my knee. With a stronger knee, the first thing I thought about was the fact that my dream of doing these trails might not be dead after all.

Enjoy these shots of some of my Fine Art stuff. Some are older images that I've revisited. Others are of course, new.

The Artist's Paradox

"The music that really turns me on is either running toward God or away from God. Both recognize the pivot, that God is at the center of the jaunt." - Bono

Well...So, what do you think? You haven't even noticed the new changes have you? Now I feel like the girl who gets her hair done and her man doesn't even notice! Fine, I'll just point it out then...

If you will cast your eyes to the top, just below the header, you'll now notice I've added a menu bar where you can view additional pages to the blog. Some were along the right column and some are new. But now you can click on the menu options and get a bit more detail ABOUT ME, ABOUT THIS BLOG, well...you can read. So I invite you to peruse the menu bar and check out the newness of Photo Anthems Blog. I liked it. You'll also notice I've added a slide show on the right. Its the best I could do. I wanted to add on that featured a particular gallery of images, but Blogger doesn't seem to allow that, at least as far as I can tell. These are pretty much all the images that have been posted on my blog, but they also include the comic strips and any other pics that I've posted that are not personally owned by me.

What is the Artist's Paradox? I know I'm not the only one dealing with this dilemma, but it does frustrate me to no end that we live in an age of tech geniuses where just about anything is possible, yet artists can't get protection for their work. I'm talking reasonable protection, that is. I know there are ways to circumvent anything. Its a war of upsmanship. (I don't think that's a word, but it expresses my point). Much like the viral wars, as any new security feature is invented, somebody creates a virus or hack to breech it. Then the tech powers that be, have to plug the hole. And it creates a never ending cycle. That's been the nature of war since Cain. I'm sure Seth then came up with the idea for a helmet.

Model, Melissa

The only absolute answer most people will reply with (usually non-artists) is, "Well, if you don't want your stuff stolen, DON'T put in in the world wide web!" True, but that's like telling us abstinence is the only thing that's 100% guaranteed to prevent unwanted pregnancies or STDs. It might be correct, but do we really want to stop having sex? No, we do assume a certain level of risk, but we at least have the option of reasonable protection in a condom. Its not 100%. They do fail at times but that failure rate is reasonable and its mainly due to user error. Not only that, we don't pay the equivalent of a car payment for a condom and they are not only for the upper echelon of the social classes. Bentleys...yes. Condoms...no. I don't have 12 Bentleys in a garage, but I've got 12 condoms in a box...wait, maybe less. (Crass, I know).

"Old Hacienda", Model Samantha

All I'm saying is that I wish somebody'd satisfy the artist's need...dare I say, compulsion to share and display their art with reasonable protections against theft. I know there's somebody that can get your stuff whatever you do, but damn I don't want to make it easy for the masses. If you break into my house, you've got to do some damage and you risk discovery very easily. People on the web are way too anonymous. Where is all this coming from? Well, I've always felt this way. Many of the popular online galleries we use don't have adequate protection. Model Mayhem doesn't. They moderate sites for decency which protects their interests, but have no security features to protect our's. Model Brigade, however does, only they are not as popular. One Model Place also does. Deviant Art does not and its very popular world wide. I've recently found a profile that spits obvious theft like an old diesel engine spits oil. Yes, there is the "style" of images that are not the same throughout the gallery. But there are other clues as well. For those grade of images, you'd think the creator would have a watermark on them. He'd have a website or another reference linking back to more of his work. There would be contact information to solicit more work. Meta data for the camera used, date the pick was taken, focal length, etc. might be displayed. This profile was completely blank. No ID. No About Me. Nothing except for commentary of other people saying, "Love your work". I did a quick TINEYE.com search on one of the images and despite the title profile identifying him as a US student, I found the author of the work to be in the Ukraine. A few more searches came up with more European and Russian authors. Deviant Art only deleted the one image when they should have deleted the profile. I found this same instance a year or so back only the profile user was selling the images he stole. This passive style of "protection" should be more proactive in my humble opinion.

"Sun Bath", Model Samantha

What can we do? Keep exposing ourselves to risk? That doesn't make good business since, though. Maybe that's where the adage "Starving Artists" originated from. I often hear about talented artists who never make it because of lack of business savvy. On the other hand, how many times have you seen a guy making millions and you KNOW your work is better. Chances are, he or she was a better marketer and promoter of themselves. People make money on less talented work every day. So what do we do, my friends? Is there a better way? I may have to look into this further, but I also have to take a look at the man in the mirror and I ask the same of you. Who among you has a boot-leg movie from the guy who approached you in the Wal-Mart parking lot? How about a fake Rolex, software, perfume, or a Gucci bag? Who has unlocked an iPhone or is big on movie/music sharing? It would seem like its part of our nature to circumvent the rules even if we justify them as Us Against Big Business, or Sticking It to the Man! I'll let you draw that line. In the meantime, I want to protect my stuff.

A Model's Significant Other

"If you want total security, go to prison. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom." 

~ Dwight D. Eisenhower

"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them." 

~ Ernest Hemingway 

Every now and again, all photographers run into some kind of ordeal with their models. I've been very fortunate to not have had this happen to often. Most times, probably since I have been a model, I get along with my models and we do some great work in a collaborative effort that brings credit to the both of us. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm starting this blog post off in the wrong way. I'm giving you the impression that an episode transpired between myself and a model that I have worked with. Well, YES and NO. Yes, an episode occurred, but NO, it was not by the free will of the model. This actually had to do with a model whom later married and now said husband has issues. Thereby forcing an undesired episode between the aforementioned model and myself. 

Another opportunity with Joanie

I feel it necessary to discuss the matter because for one, it is front and centered on my mind for the last two days or so. I hate drama. I detest it. This is drama that has arisen from a model I worked with more than 3 years ago. While we have spoken often in that time, our communications came to almost a halt when she got married about a year ago and now I fully understand why. Now this girl and I were very tight. We were friends for a good year before I even worked with her. It was just before I came to Vegas when she asked about posing for me before I left. This girl is close enough of a friend that I refuse her nothing. She had special requests and I accommodated. We did a lot of great work, even though I was frustrated in that I had no more pro-grade film. I had just finished school and had used every last roll I had. So I was stuck using consumer-grade along with out-dated slide film that my instructor gave away at the end of the semester. Okay, I digress.

At the heart of the matter is that the new husband is not keen on my friend/his wife having male friends. It matters little that I now live roughly 1800 miles away. Presently, contact has been shut off with the exception of a request to remove all her images from the web. Granted, I have a model release. I could do whatever I wish, but out of respect for her, I chose to acquiesce to her behest. This came about after I kept getting requests earlier this year to see more of this model by an someone using an unknown identity. After a while, I became somewhat anxious about the situation and warned the model as I had reason to believe she might know this person. I took the precautions of scrubbing all my profiles, sites, and blogs of all of her images because I simply didn't know who this creep was.

All was quiet until I decided to resurrect and re-edit some of this model's images. I used only anonymous shots and even asked for permission to display them again. In no time, Creepy-guy was back again. I had had enough. I wasted no time doing search after search with what little info I had and plugged in assumptions for the rest. I finally discovered the possibility that the culprit was either an in-law or her husband. I didn't know for sure in either case and I could have been totally wrong all together. I contacted the model and let her know my suspicions, which I needed for her to confirm or negate. My next contact was going to be friends in the area that could easily put a face to my enigma and dissuade any further harassment. When she discovered it was her own husband trying to "test" my responses, what could I do? His repeated tests to ascertain whether or not I am an honorable man were exhaustive and futile. I never showed him and especially not her any disrespect. He should have gotten a clue when I pulled all my images of her the first time because I thought he was a creep. I never identified her or even used her real name. He was suspicious of me profiting off of her. I've never made a dime! If all that didn't illustrate that I had her best interests at heart, what would have? I've only been a good friend to this girl and now, to alleviate any more difficulties in her marriage, I have to willfully bow out and agree to act as if I ever met her. That's bullshit. The main thing that gets me is the grief from thinking my friend may have been in danger. I don't understand why either of us had to be put through that. So now I volunteered, for her sake, to show him the ultimate show of respect and walk away. His wife-card trumps my friend-card in every hand. I only hope this doesn't get worse for her. She may as well don a burka.

Sam... being a BAD GIRL! I don't treat all my models like this. 
Sam can handle it, though.

I want to thank everyone else, especially Unbearable Lightness and AlexB for helping me not make any rash or hasty decisions. I got several acknowledgements that I was doing the right thing by my model and I appreciate that. Can you tell that this really bothered me? Yeah, she meant a lot to me. I hate to lose her on these terms. It was difficult to even write this. I don't want her to think I am writing this out of anger for her and its not my intent to be disparaging to her husband. At the same time, I didn't initiate any of this and all my efforts and dealings with his wife have been honorable. This is the primary reason I respond the way I do when a model asks, "Is it okay for my husband/boyfriend to come along?" But that opens up the door for personal choices in policies. For me, I never let the significant other accompany us in a shoot. Ain't happening. Okay, its done.

When the Road Gets Tough

“Each day is a special gift from God, and while life may not always be fair, you must never allow the pains, hurdles, and handicaps of the moment to poison your attitude and plans for yourself and your future. You can never win when you wear the ugly cloak of self-pity, and the sour sound of whining will certainly frighten away any opportunity for success. Never again. There is a better way.”  - Og Mandino

Its hard not to be constantly reminded about the tough economic times in which we find ourselves in. Especially if you live here in Las Vegas, which is now the worst in the nation, you are constantly bombarded with sights and pressures of poor economic conditions. You can check out the different indicators that tell us how healthy the economy is, much in the same way you might see monitors hooked up to a patient in the hospital that measure heart rate, blood pressure, and vital signs. NPR's "All Things Considered" did a recent report that discussed the effects of unemployment in the nation and covered the debate as to whether or not the Unemployment Extention will have a positive effect on the economy or if it will simply be another drag on the nations already multi-trillion dollar debt. While Republicans filibuster the current bill, (H.R.4213 - American Jobs and Closing Tax Loopholes Act of 2010), citing the fact that America can't afford it, Democrats claim that the unemployment extension will actually have a positive effect on the economy. According to Moody's Analytics, for every dollar that goes out in unemployment benefits, the economy gets a $1.61 stimulus shot in the arm. Now, I've got a minor in economics, but I haven't looked up how that figure is calculated, but either way, it can still be debated, as the Republicans are currently doing.

Another shoot with the lovely Sam at my place

There are measurements and monitors that gauge every aspect about our economy. We know tourism was up slightly last month from the flights and hotel bookings. We can measure the recent slight drop in unemployment and sadly deduce that its wasn't necessarily a good thing. The drop was due to less people actually looking for work, moving away because they may have lost their benefits. Vegas is like the water hole on that one National Geographic episode where you see lions, elephants, hippos, and alligators jockeying for position around the best spots, when only muddy slim remains. I don't know...maybe its not that bad, but can that vision be far off.

I'll tell you one thing that isn't being measured and that's the health of families. I'm struggling to make it, myself, but all around me, I see families being ripped asunder. Just a little while ago, I couldn't help but to listen outside my apartment door to a woman who was talking on the phone to her man. She was basically fed up with their current situation as she described how she's barely able to take care of her two girls and how he's become distant and is avoiding them. The woman was pissed. At times, she spoke as if they were problem solving, but in an instant she'd hammer him with something that he was being insensitive about or that he wasn't doing enough. I'd hate to be here with a family right now. I most definitely wouldn't stay. I'm glad my kids are not here. They are both grown and are holding down their own fairly well. A mother with two girls, though?? And a father who is obviously feeling less of a man?? It makes me think about some of these fathers you hear about that just up and leave. Or the mom who goes to the grocery store but never comes back. Will this couple inevitably divorce? Who's to say. Even if the economy heals and they both find jobs, the damage is done. Even if their relationship heals over, there remains yet still a scar.

How do the children fair? I heard no evidence as to the children's welfare in the woman's conversation, but you can only imagine. My kids were pretty hardy and understanding. My ex-wife and I showed them enough love that they understood times were tough and they acted accordingly. I don't recall them bitching about not having the finer things like some of their friends. At times, our hardships were precious. We have one particular remembrance that we refer to as "Christmas Out of the Trunk". My wife and I were determined to have a Christmas for the kids and we finally got them toys and gifts at the last minute. There was no time to wrap anything. We just gathered around the trunk of the car and said, Merry Christmas! Times weren't always that bad of course, but I am highly thankful and most grateful to my kids, even Jeremy, for being so understanding during those tough times. I am here for my own reasons and I stay here for the same. I could go back to Texas where the economy fairs much better, but that's not where I need to be right now. My mission is not complete here and I refuse to be driven away by economic issues. The time is not right, yet. I stay because I feel I must. Stubborn...yes. I won't deny it. But I'm here, damn it. And I'll get it done. When or if I leave, it will be of my own choosing. But what are we going to do about these families who have more responsibilities than I do? How do we measure the pain of broken homes and scarred children? I don't know, but in the meanwhile, I hope this unemployment extension bill passes soon. Its no where near enough, but for many families, its certainly better than nothing.

Bringing Back Sam

"Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again."

- Og Mandino

(This is how I feel sometimes!)

I can honestly say that I have just about adapted to digital photography in the way that I did with film. I could spend seemingly endless hours in a darkroom. While in grad school, a few years back, I'd easily say 75% of my time was spent developing film and prints in a lab. I've clocked more than 24 hours straight...minus the bathroom break and food on more than a single occasion. My academic peers struggled to understand how I could expect to handle the various class projects, papers, and exams since scholastic endeavors were not my priority. Nonetheless I finished among the top in my class for both degree programs. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy. There were many sleepless nights and days, for that matter. I just did what I had to do. Photo was important to me and I had to have it. It may not have been the wisest thing, but it has paid off. I've learned so much more because of my film background and its helped me appreciate fine art photography to a greater degree. The above cartoon was really funny to me. Trust me, I can relate.

Model, Samantha

I had just begun to play with darkroom manipulations when I ended up moving to Lost Wages, I mean, Las Vegas. I was dismayed because I was just beginning to discover my own style in the darkroom. Inspired by Jerry Ulesmann, I began to see what was actually possible with film that I never imagined could be true. I liken it unto Roger Bannister's quest to be first to break the 4-minute mile. It was imagined impossible until he did it, after which several other runners accomplished the feat within the next few years. This was the sort of effect Ulesmann's work had on my own art. Granted, I don't place myself in a Ulesmann category, but you get the idea. As for digital, its taken me another almost 4 years to began to feel comfortable enough to pick up where I left off in film. I've been doing more of this style lately, basically playing around in Photoshop and figuring it out as I go. I can pretty much look at a shot and get a general idea of what I want to do with it, but lots of it is trial and error. I still feel that there is a slight loss in craftsmanship in digital photography. Partly that may be because in most cases, a craftsman used his/her hands to mold, build, or create something from raw materials. It had an aesthetic value that was created from the common and your style or technique differentiated your own work from similar creations of another craftsman. I guess the same can hold true even though your efforts are in effect, inputs into a computer. I've looked at enough artwork though, that I can in many cases, discern  and identify a particular photographer's work just by the style of the photograph.

Back Patio, Sam's Place, Las Vegas

These are shots of Samantha. Its been more than a year since I've worked with her last. Things got a little busy in her life and we just never touched base with one another again. I was very much surprised to get a call from her while I was in Tennessee to express an interest in continuing where we left off. Sam has actually become a photographer in her own right in since I last met her and we've discussed a few collaborations of our own. Its always good to talk to Sam. You always leave her feeling upbeat and having been inspired from great conversations. These are some preliminary imagery that I sort of took off running with. I got almost 200 images in this session and have edited around 30 or so. You can follow her happenings on her blog Anais Productions as she details her activities as a photog and model.

Samantha's First Time with Me

You cannot believe in honor until you have achieved it. Better keep yourself clean and bright: you are the window through which you must see the world.

- George Bernard Shaw

I'm still wondering how to relate to the 2257 statute that went into effect this past month. I had a model ask me about it out of concern just this past week. She wasn't at all happy about surrendering her personal info to just anybody and I can understand her point. Its one thing to show your driver's licence to a photog so he can verify your age, but its something else to give him a copy of it for his records. She's got to get a new licence since her's has her social security number on it, which is strongly advisable. But such is the case if you wish to either continue in the artistic nude arena, be you model or photog.

My main issue, currently, is the place of record part of the business. If I want to comply, I need to have records on file with the scanned copies of model identification at some place which can be open to inspectors whenever they want to come check me out. Granted the rules states 20 hours out of the week, but the intent is to be available during regular business hours. Well, photogs don't want to list home addresses on their sites and you know there is a cost factor involved when you use an off-premise site that can maintain your records for you. What I'd like to see is the art community come together and, 1.) Get this law repealed as unconstitutional or at least take the heat off of us artists who should have nothing to do with this. However 2.) if we have to comply, lets ban together and have a few central places that can keep our records for us without costing us so dog gone much every time we drop the shutter. I looked at one company and they charged you $35 for every record you kept, plus a yearly fee that I can't immediately recall at the moment. Dang... can we not figure out something better for this?

I got to work with a new model a few weeks ago. Samantha is another one of those models who I'd like to see regularly posting on a blog. Its always been a thrill for me to read models who recant their adventures and experiences as model-slash-blogger. Having been a model myself, its always a welcomed opportunity to delve into the mind of the art nude model as she relates to us the goings-on of her day. Samantha is one of those who, while young, has opinions that warrant a closer look at her identification. You'd swear she was more experienced than her years suggest. In most cases, I identify with a model like on this level who is much more mature and can back up their opinions with actual time on the planet. I found myself in Samantha's apartment listening to and questioning her insights and left there wondering what's she's already experienced so soon in her life that has brought her to ask some of the questions she asks or thinks about some of the things she contemplates. It was a refreshing conversation. Much of our preliminary shoot was spent capturing her in conversation with me.

And speaking of models who blog, I had the experience of dialoging with Groovacious K the other week. Now, if you hadn't heard, you definitely better ask somebody. This lady's got curves that can prove dangerous if you aren't careful. I JUST missed her while she was in Vegas. I've seen her work in previous months, especially on deviantART, shot by photographer David Winge. I've been working on a series of dark curves lately so its so hard to ignore what she's got to offer. AND she blogs on a regular basis with feeling. I mean, she really puts it out there. You can learn much from this girl. I've already picked up a few pointers from her that I am passing on to a friend. So not only is she gorgeous with a killer bod, but she's articulate, smart, and willing to share with anybody who's interested. That's the kind of model who's on my radar and I can't wait til she back this way again.