Black and White Spider Awards

2nd Place Finish, Abstract Category - Professionals,  7th Annual Black and White Spider Awards © 2010 Terrell Neasley

"Winning isn't everything, but it beats anything in second place."

- William C. Bryant

Contest results are finally in for the Black and White Spider Awards, a very popular international photography contest for black and white photographic artwork. After a six month wait, I found out that I took 2nd place (Merit of Excellence Award) in the Abstract Category for Professionals. I also took Honorable Mention in the Nude Category for Professionals. This is my second time in a row coming in second in a category, but I did better this time in the Nude category. If you recall, last November I posted the announcement of a 2nd Place finish as well as 2 Nonimee spots, one of which was in the Nude Category. That was for the 5th Annual Photography Masters Cup (for Color Photography) produced by the same people. So again, a 2nd place finish (Americana Category), a Nominee for Nudes and also a Nominee again for the Americana Category.

I can't say I'm disappointed, but I've also never been exuberant about 2nd place. The one thing I will concede is getting Honorable Mentioned for my nude work which is one step up from Nominee! If you take a look at all the work that got nominated, you'll see that therein lies some stiff competition. So to be recognized at all is "honorable". The nude is by far my main, favorite, and most passionable subject matter to photograph. If I were to win anywhere, I'd want to win for my nude work. Yet still, I've never looked at my work in that regard as being incredibly worthy of note. As long as I like it and my model likes it, I'm good to go. Being recognized and evaluated by such esteemed professionals of the trade against participants from all over the world was never anything I every really thought I'd measure up against.

Honorable Mention, Nude Category - Professionals,
7th Annual Black and White Spider Awards © 2010 Terrell Neasley 

"The first man gets the oyster, the second man gets the shell." 

- Andrew Carnegie

But also, I think you have to consider what you actually get from photo competitions with your entries. Both the Spider Awards and the Photography Masters Cup are huge and the recognition is fabulous. But what are the spoils of such achievements? There were over 83,000 entries in the Photography Master's Cup last year and the entry fees are $35 a pop. Granted that costs decreases if you enter more images, but when you consider how much money is made...wow. You're looking at more than $2 million just in entry fees if you average $25 per image. So here is what I get:

2ND PLACE WINNERS (Merit of Excellence)

Recipient of the title award "Merit of Excellence"

Publication in The PHOTO PAPER Magazine (print edition)

Featured in movie presented by World Photographic Arts Films

Showcased at the online Winners Gallery

International press campaign and exposure

Right now, bragging rights is the main take-home from something like this. The only other pay-off might come in the form of some lucrative deal made as of a result of being published in the magazine honoring the winners. So I'll have to let you know if someone comes a'calling, as of a result of seeing one of my shots in the magazine. As far as I know, a title award doesn't come with a cash prize or a new camera. It does feel good to be recognized for one's work. And I thank Joanie for the use of her boobs to create something masterful for my Abstract image. I guess when you actually think about it, I did get a 2nd place finish for a nude! And I appreciate the Dean Koontz reader  in the second shot (who has chosen to remain anonymous) for her help as well.

Stay Positive! (....right...)

"Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness of mind."

- Aristotle

(...Still working on that one!)

Art Model, Mercy ©2011 Terrell Neasley

I had originally looked forward to chronicling my events and happenings as it relates to me recouping from my recent surgery. Now, not so much. Originally, this was going to be an adventure of discovery and re-invention. Now its turned into more of a bitch-session of my rants about how bitchy this process has become. I've got 5 and a half more weeks of this mess on crutches. Then another 6 weeks of rehab. I have ABSOLUTELY no clue how to do this. I'm inclined to head back to Texas and just let moms take care of me. But you know...MOM's got a life. Dealing with the pain and limited mobility is only one aspect of what's got me pissed off. However, the loss of independence has to be more than 50% of it all. Asking somebody for help is okay to some extent, but when it comes to just the menial tasks of doing for one's self... Its just not in me to do that and living on your own in this sort of situation is a bitch. There ain't no getting around it. It's just pure-BITCH!!

Joanie, © 2010 Terrell Neasley

Granted, I am relieved when a friend comes by to visit. Sometimes I enjoy going out to dinner with good company or something that is a distraction from the everyday crap. But that's about 6% of my time. The rest of the 94% of my day is spent just trying to not go crazy, keep busy with productive things, don't fall, and don't accidentally (or willfully) do something stupid! I was actually doing so well yesterday. I took note of the fact that the swelling was going down. The pain had considerably lessened. I was still limited on range of motion as well as mobility, but everything was looking up! That is until I started to go to bed. In an oblivious and euphoric lack of concentration, I jubilantly jumped into bed. If a full bound, I lifted off with one leg and sprang with the other. Can you feel my pain, yet? I actually never left the ground. And the leg that I "attempted" to sprang with was the wrong one, or should I say the one I JUST had surgery on. All I could basically do was crumble against the side of the bed. There was no elevation. I didn't get an inch off the floor. The moment the muscles around my knee tried to accommodate the pressure of my body weight... well, I call it white pain. That's the only way I can describe the blinding, searing, hot sensation that squeezed tears out of my eyes like Summer's juicing machine. My prayers of relief were not immediately answered. I prayed I'd just pass out. I wanted to just friggin' pass out. I've never wanted to die. But right then, I just wanted to pass the F*** out. It didn't happen. I lived through every eternal minute of that...damning my stupidity the entire time.

Wow. Did that paint a picture? Its starting to hurt again just from the thought of it. Have you ever had pain so bad, you actually lose weight from it? I kid you not...I KNOW I burned about 3 pounds on the writhing on the floor last night. There should be pre-op therapy sessions designed to prepare you for this. You shouldn't even be allowed to have this kind of surgery unless you have a stay at home wife or can afford a live-in nanny. I have no idea how many other people endure this sort of ailment or what they do to cope. I know many have endured far worse. Yes, there are others who don't even have a knee to even have surgery on. But you know what... NONE of that has anything to do with what's going on with me right now. Showing me a guy who's an amputee does not help me manage pain or my affairs. Dang, I forgot to even pay my bills til my cable got turned off! This is how disorienting all this is. My phone, car insurance, and some utilities were on the verge of getting suspended.

Okay. Like I said. I'm trying to stay positive and look forward to getting a knee that's in much better shape than it was before all this. I just don't know what to tell myself when something as uneventful as last night takes place. I mean, Damn! I just about wish I was still in good standing with an ex-girlfriend, but she's no longer in town anyway. I know that wouldn't be overall good for me, but at the moment, if you merely suggested that crack would advance me through the next several months in relative ease, I'd be spending a lot of time trying to talk myself out of it and can't say with a high degree of certainty that I'd be successful. All I know is this. This sucks. I gotta deal with it. I gotta get better. But I'm also gonna be bitchy. Where's my next nude model??!!

Psychology of the Soldier

The psychology of the soldier is one that can be difficult for civilians to come to terms with. No, this has nothing at all to do with photography, cameras, models, or anything remotely related. You can stop reading now if you wish, but I came across an interesting article the other day and have gone back to read it several times.

Model, Joanie

"82nd Airborne Paratroopers Unhappy With Iraq, Afghanistan Troop Withdrawals", by David Wood for the Huffington Post on 11July2011

Model, Joanie

So what's the gist of the article? Simply put, many of the soldiers don't want to leave for one reason or another.  "Instead of an exciting and challenging combat tour, they'll be relegated to the dread "garrison life" here at Fort Bragg.", reports the article. That may sound like war-mongering to many of the citizens of the United States, however I might ask that you hold that judgement for a little bit and take a second (or longer) to see where these "Joes" (...as in G.I.'s, hence G. I. Joe...) are coming from. 

The 82nd from Fort Bragg, North Carolina is one of the most famous and storied units to honor, serve, and defend your way of life here in the United States of America. Along with the 101st Airborne Division at Fort Campbell, Kentucky, they comprise the two Army Divisions most known to the populace if you were to ask them to name ANY military unit. (Yeah, Seal Team Six gets some notoriety too). I served 2 tours of duty with the 101st...first with the 502nd Infantry Brigade, and then again after a stint in Korea with HHC Division G-3 as an Air Operations NCO...loved that job! I received my honorable discharge in 1998, after 10 years of service. I was done. My body had taken enough abuse and I wanted to still enjoy some physical abilities as a young civilian. I can tell you quite literally that from head to toe, I still contend with injuries sustained over my tours of duty. 

"I'm afraid I'm not going to get the chance to go again," said Spec. Brenton Parish, a 21-year-old paratrooper from Fond du Lac, Wis. "I like doing my job, and I can only do that when I'm deployed," he told The Huffington Post.

Model, Joanie

So why would a man or woman want to maintain operations in a hostile environment? Let me put it to you this way: Your Armed Forces Command units take pride in turning that snot-nosed brat you worried would never amount to anything, into a highly trained, high speed, low drag, bad-ass, machine that can maintain his or her military discipline and professional bearing in the most inhospitable, uninhabitable work environments  like nobody you'll ever encounter at the office. Imagine if you were expected to get out those expense reports or make your quota, while doing so in the desert heat with sand grains in every crevice imaginable, wearing long sleeves and weighted gear. An error on your part might cost a life. Your former snot-nosed brat is now responsible for million-dollar equipment and is depended on to do his job and keep the well-oiled machine from seizing up. Only a few years ago, they could hardly get along with others that well. They couldn't figure out how geometry would ever serve them in life. Now they are part of  an intricate team on a mission to hell and back, calculating back-azimuths and learning to triangulate their 8-digit grid coordinate on a map. No matter if they are on the front lines or in the mail room, they understand that they may never draw breath on American soil again, yet they do their jobs and watch out for the soldier, marine, seaman, or airman who stands in the gap next to them.  

Capt. Tom Cieslak, a staff officer with the 1st Brigade: "If we're going back to garrison life, to pressed and starched uniforms and all that? After my seven years of war, I don't think I could do that."

Model, Joanie

As a civilian, you really cannot fathom what it is that you ask your servicemen and women to do. With that said, it will probably be difficult to understand the mentality that they have to assume in order to complete a mission, do their jobs dependably, admirably, and above and beyond the standard. You are in effect, asking a man or woman to become a machine and you loose them upon the world to protect you and your way of life. To ask them to come home and shut it off is to ask water to not be wet. The expectation for these service people to adjust seamlessly to the life that is your reality is not realistic. This is what they do. This is what they had to become in order to go forth and protect you. You can honor their return by being understanding to the military mind and aiding in the transition rather than ridiculing and judging like what happened when our veterans came back from Vietnam.

In a major study released last year, the Army reported that a small but growing number of soldiers who perform credibly in combat turn to high-risk behavior at home, including drug abuse, drunk driving, motorcycle street-racing, petty crime and domestic violence.

This is the part I fear most. After spending years at a time, "keyed-up", these guy come back to garrison life know they need to "gear down" but can't. Alcohol and drug abuse is common. Something to take the edge off becomes a new priority and this is where you see men getting into trouble with the law, having a disastrous family life, and go further sink into depression. I first became conscious of such matters when I began hearing about Bragg soldiers killing their families (and its still going on). And then it started happening at my Division at Campbell. It was almost like an extreme case of some type of disease or disorder where a plague hits your community. Everybody gets sick and some are killed. You never know who is most susceptible, but no one is untouched. God help our veterans.

A Model's Significant Other

"If you want total security, go to prison. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom." 

~ Dwight D. Eisenhower

"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them." 

~ Ernest Hemingway 

Every now and again, all photographers run into some kind of ordeal with their models. I've been very fortunate to not have had this happen to often. Most times, probably since I have been a model, I get along with my models and we do some great work in a collaborative effort that brings credit to the both of us. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm starting this blog post off in the wrong way. I'm giving you the impression that an episode transpired between myself and a model that I have worked with. Well, YES and NO. Yes, an episode occurred, but NO, it was not by the free will of the model. This actually had to do with a model whom later married and now said husband has issues. Thereby forcing an undesired episode between the aforementioned model and myself. 

Another opportunity with Joanie

I feel it necessary to discuss the matter because for one, it is front and centered on my mind for the last two days or so. I hate drama. I detest it. This is drama that has arisen from a model I worked with more than 3 years ago. While we have spoken often in that time, our communications came to almost a halt when she got married about a year ago and now I fully understand why. Now this girl and I were very tight. We were friends for a good year before I even worked with her. It was just before I came to Vegas when she asked about posing for me before I left. This girl is close enough of a friend that I refuse her nothing. She had special requests and I accommodated. We did a lot of great work, even though I was frustrated in that I had no more pro-grade film. I had just finished school and had used every last roll I had. So I was stuck using consumer-grade along with out-dated slide film that my instructor gave away at the end of the semester. Okay, I digress.

At the heart of the matter is that the new husband is not keen on my friend/his wife having male friends. It matters little that I now live roughly 1800 miles away. Presently, contact has been shut off with the exception of a request to remove all her images from the web. Granted, I have a model release. I could do whatever I wish, but out of respect for her, I chose to acquiesce to her behest. This came about after I kept getting requests earlier this year to see more of this model by an someone using an unknown identity. After a while, I became somewhat anxious about the situation and warned the model as I had reason to believe she might know this person. I took the precautions of scrubbing all my profiles, sites, and blogs of all of her images because I simply didn't know who this creep was.

All was quiet until I decided to resurrect and re-edit some of this model's images. I used only anonymous shots and even asked for permission to display them again. In no time, Creepy-guy was back again. I had had enough. I wasted no time doing search after search with what little info I had and plugged in assumptions for the rest. I finally discovered the possibility that the culprit was either an in-law or her husband. I didn't know for sure in either case and I could have been totally wrong all together. I contacted the model and let her know my suspicions, which I needed for her to confirm or negate. My next contact was going to be friends in the area that could easily put a face to my enigma and dissuade any further harassment. When she discovered it was her own husband trying to "test" my responses, what could I do? His repeated tests to ascertain whether or not I am an honorable man were exhaustive and futile. I never showed him and especially not her any disrespect. He should have gotten a clue when I pulled all my images of her the first time because I thought he was a creep. I never identified her or even used her real name. He was suspicious of me profiting off of her. I've never made a dime! If all that didn't illustrate that I had her best interests at heart, what would have? I've only been a good friend to this girl and now, to alleviate any more difficulties in her marriage, I have to willfully bow out and agree to act as if I ever met her. That's bullshit. The main thing that gets me is the grief from thinking my friend may have been in danger. I don't understand why either of us had to be put through that. So now I volunteered, for her sake, to show him the ultimate show of respect and walk away. His wife-card trumps my friend-card in every hand. I only hope this doesn't get worse for her. She may as well don a burka.

Sam... being a BAD GIRL! I don't treat all my models like this. 
Sam can handle it, though.

I want to thank everyone else, especially Unbearable Lightness and AlexB for helping me not make any rash or hasty decisions. I got several acknowledgements that I was doing the right thing by my model and I appreciate that. Can you tell that this really bothered me? Yeah, she meant a lot to me. I hate to lose her on these terms. It was difficult to even write this. I don't want her to think I am writing this out of anger for her and its not my intent to be disparaging to her husband. At the same time, I didn't initiate any of this and all my efforts and dealings with his wife have been honorable. This is the primary reason I respond the way I do when a model asks, "Is it okay for my husband/boyfriend to come along?" But that opens up the door for personal choices in policies. For me, I never let the significant other accompany us in a shoot. Ain't happening. Okay, its done.