Latest on Recovery

Art Model, OutDrBeauty, © 2010 Terrell Neasley 

I'm getting there!

Everything is still on hold for a little bit longer, but the knee is getting better. I still have to use crutches for a few more weeks, but I'm able to balance and put weight on my left leg more than usual. I'm not having to keep it suspended off the ground as I walk. It still sucks that I haven't been able to get back to shooting. I think a good nude project is the first thing I want to do when I can hold a camera and move around a subject again. I want to go model hunting right now, but I can't say as to when I can actually do the shoot. I've had to change my Model Mayhem page twice to reflect a longer recovery time than anticipated. But that's okay, I'll manage.

Art Model, OutDrBeauty, © 2010 Terrell Neasley 

Its been the microfracture procedure that has taken so long with the recovery. Microfracture alone takes a while, but instead of the 3 to 5 holes the surgeon had planned on, it ended up being TWENTY! (Yeah, that's what I said too.) I didn't know he had done that much off-shore style drilling in my knee until a few weeks afterwards during my post-op appointment. He told me there was more damage than what had showed up in the MRI and X-rays. So that led to more clean-up, more holes, and more recovery time. To give you an idea, this is the same surgery Greg Odom, once number 1 overall draft pick of the Portland Trailblazers had multiple times on both knees. Granted it hadn't been so successful on him. However Jason Kidd and John Stockton have also had this surgery done and you see the longevity they've enjoyed in basketball. Overall, I'm looking at about 4 to 6 months for recovery. I've yet to begin my 6-8 week rehab time.

On Microfracture surgery recovery:

The harder part is the restrictions that are placed on the patient during the post-operative recovery period. This can be a major challenge for many patients. For optimal re-growth of joint surface, the patients need to be very patient and also extremely cooperative. They usually need to be on crutches for four to six weeks (sometimes longer).  - Wikipedia

I'll just be glad to get back out on the trails again and I need to get back to shooting. I'm not making any money hanging around my house all day everyday. I thought I'd be spending all this time reading and doing tutorials, but that hasn't been so easy. Its tougher to read in my house, I think. And even moreso when all you think about is getting outside. I miss hiking. The days have been beautiful. I can see the mountains from my back patio. Yet, I am stuck inside my apartment. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not totally fixed in here, but I only go someplace when I absolutely have to. If there isn't any place I NEED to be, then I pretty much stay home. Its been exasperating. Patience has never been in my quiver of virtues. I've at least been Tweeting more than I usually do. Mostly about travel and entrepreneurship.

Art Model, OutDrBeauty,
© 2010 Terrell Neasley 

Wednesday was my first time trying to leave the house without my crutches. Overall, I did fairly well, but its different from just walking around the house like that. I got to meet up with good friend Karl Sutphin (his new website!), who was in for the week from San Fran. We hung out at my place and then got some dinner at Famous Dave's. We had just stepped into the place when I stumbled and let slip and expletive, because of the pain. It was fairly embarrassing in that it occurred right next to a couple who were enjoying their dinner. I had to grab onto the back of their booth to regain my balance. I think my face was even more contorted trying NOT to wince from the pain, than had I not been trying to control it. I took a second (or maybe a minute) to regain my composure and was led to the booth where our hostess seated us. After that, it was a good evening. I had been to Famous Dave's often but had never had their burgers. It was pretty darn good.

Art Model, OutDrBeauty, © 2010 Terrell Neasley 

I'm due to start rehab sometime at the end of the month or first week in April. I think I'll stick to that schedule instead of trying to be too quick as I had recently planned. I'll heed the doctor's advice and wait. I guess it will make it all the more sweeter if I wait. I think my ex-wife said the same thing before we were married. Not so sure how sweet it was. I think that's when I'm most prone to re-injure after having waited so friggin' long!

Stay Positive! (....right...)

"Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness of mind."

- Aristotle

(...Still working on that one!)

Art Model, Mercy ©2011 Terrell Neasley

I had originally looked forward to chronicling my events and happenings as it relates to me recouping from my recent surgery. Now, not so much. Originally, this was going to be an adventure of discovery and re-invention. Now its turned into more of a bitch-session of my rants about how bitchy this process has become. I've got 5 and a half more weeks of this mess on crutches. Then another 6 weeks of rehab. I have ABSOLUTELY no clue how to do this. I'm inclined to head back to Texas and just let moms take care of me. But you know...MOM's got a life. Dealing with the pain and limited mobility is only one aspect of what's got me pissed off. However, the loss of independence has to be more than 50% of it all. Asking somebody for help is okay to some extent, but when it comes to just the menial tasks of doing for one's self... Its just not in me to do that and living on your own in this sort of situation is a bitch. There ain't no getting around it. It's just pure-BITCH!!

Joanie, © 2010 Terrell Neasley

Granted, I am relieved when a friend comes by to visit. Sometimes I enjoy going out to dinner with good company or something that is a distraction from the everyday crap. But that's about 6% of my time. The rest of the 94% of my day is spent just trying to not go crazy, keep busy with productive things, don't fall, and don't accidentally (or willfully) do something stupid! I was actually doing so well yesterday. I took note of the fact that the swelling was going down. The pain had considerably lessened. I was still limited on range of motion as well as mobility, but everything was looking up! That is until I started to go to bed. In an oblivious and euphoric lack of concentration, I jubilantly jumped into bed. If a full bound, I lifted off with one leg and sprang with the other. Can you feel my pain, yet? I actually never left the ground. And the leg that I "attempted" to sprang with was the wrong one, or should I say the one I JUST had surgery on. All I could basically do was crumble against the side of the bed. There was no elevation. I didn't get an inch off the floor. The moment the muscles around my knee tried to accommodate the pressure of my body weight... well, I call it white pain. That's the only way I can describe the blinding, searing, hot sensation that squeezed tears out of my eyes like Summer's juicing machine. My prayers of relief were not immediately answered. I prayed I'd just pass out. I wanted to just friggin' pass out. I've never wanted to die. But right then, I just wanted to pass the F*** out. It didn't happen. I lived through every eternal minute of that...damning my stupidity the entire time.

Wow. Did that paint a picture? Its starting to hurt again just from the thought of it. Have you ever had pain so bad, you actually lose weight from it? I kid you not...I KNOW I burned about 3 pounds on the writhing on the floor last night. There should be pre-op therapy sessions designed to prepare you for this. You shouldn't even be allowed to have this kind of surgery unless you have a stay at home wife or can afford a live-in nanny. I have no idea how many other people endure this sort of ailment or what they do to cope. I know many have endured far worse. Yes, there are others who don't even have a knee to even have surgery on. But you know what... NONE of that has anything to do with what's going on with me right now. Showing me a guy who's an amputee does not help me manage pain or my affairs. Dang, I forgot to even pay my bills til my cable got turned off! This is how disorienting all this is. My phone, car insurance, and some utilities were on the verge of getting suspended.

Okay. Like I said. I'm trying to stay positive and look forward to getting a knee that's in much better shape than it was before all this. I just don't know what to tell myself when something as uneventful as last night takes place. I mean, Damn! I just about wish I was still in good standing with an ex-girlfriend, but she's no longer in town anyway. I know that wouldn't be overall good for me, but at the moment, if you merely suggested that crack would advance me through the next several months in relative ease, I'd be spending a lot of time trying to talk myself out of it and can't say with a high degree of certainty that I'd be successful. All I know is this. This sucks. I gotta deal with it. I gotta get better. But I'm also gonna be bitchy. Where's my next nude model??!!

A New Panda!

Muse, Panda © 2012 Terrell Neasley

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars."

- Og Mandino

Wow. I went by Panda's house since I was in the area. I wanted to introduce her to my knuckles. [Insert: knuckles = kids!] Cassie and my kid-in-law came to help me get around for the first week after surgery and on the way back from one of my doctor visits, we stopped by Panda's joint. I didn't recognize her for the first .04 seconds that I saw her. She cut her hair drastically...actually she let her hubby and a friend do it! I wasn't expecting that and as I sat in my car wide-eyed as she came down the stairs to meet us, I knew I couldn't wait til I fully recuperated from the knee surgery to shoot her again. I desperately needed her new head! Well, I got that chance earlier this week and she came over to my place. I'm not taking any other assignments right now. The knee is too swollen and I'm in too much pain to try to concentrate on doing a great job. HOWEVER, shooting nudes, for some reason seems to distract me from the pain. And I've already shot Panda enough that I'm comfortable with her seeing me so vulnerable. I don't mind if all of a sudden I move incorrectly and searing pains emanates from my knee causing my body to wrack in awkward momentary contortions. I catch my breath, ease myself back into the correct position and proceed as if nothing had ever happened. Besides, it gives me something to edit during my downtime!

Muse, Panda © 2012 Terrell Neasley

I couldn't be like that in front of a client or a model whom I'm not as familiar with. Its just not a good showing or good form. It also puts too much pressure on the person I'm shooting to feel like they should help or do something when in actuality, they can't. So why then would I then shackle them the inevitable millstone of helplessness that is sure to sink them below waves of disparity at not being able to assist me? Panda would call me a Dumb-Ass and laugh at me. And to another fact, I've been specifically requested to do a NILMDTS session. I had initially considered not taking that assignment, but since I've previously shot for this family only a few months back, I felt a certain obligation to commit. I can only do this with Panda's help. She's got a car that's easy for me to get in and out of and she will assist me on this shoot. So for the time being, the only thing that can make me pick up a camera is doing a nude or a call for a NILMDTS session when I'm specifically requested (or if no one else is available).

Muse, Panda © 2012 Terrell Neasley

It's been two weeks since my surgery. I just left the doc yesterday for me two-week post-op and he gave me the lowdown. I went in sort of irritated as hell. I've been in constant pain for most all of this past two weeks, but I walked (or hobbled) in very reserved. I didn't go in blasting about how I couldn't get any stronger pain meds like I wanted to. This guy has been genuine with me from the start and the first thing he did was apologize for my discomfort. He told me everything he had to do and why it wasn't good for me to have stronger meds. My knee was basically a trash heap inside. He cleaned all that up, scrapped down to the good bone, and then proceeded to drill 20 HOLES inside all that! That's the Microfracture procedure I mentioned in the last post. I didn't know it was 20 holes, though. I was thinking maybe 5 or 6. This guy went for the shotgun effect, but he explained that it was truly necessary and that it needed to be done and that it was necessary to get deep into the good bone. This was going to leave me in a little more pain because the swelling was going to be so much more persistent.

Muse, Panda © 2012 Terrell Neasley

But you know what, I feel better about that now. I'm focusing more on the new stuff I'll be able to do when I hit the trails! I'm excited about my travels this summer! Ever seen a chained dog when suddenly let off the leash? They come blasting out the gates!! That's what I'm concentrating on. I won't be blasting, but I'm just looking forward to living again and I'm going to really make use of my long awaited ambulatory prowess. I'm going to do what I'm supposed to do and will try to make sure to not be stupid and rush ANYTHING. I've got 6 weeks of crutches. Then its at least 6 weeks of rehab. I'm going to make the best of it and get back on my feet. Not saying its not going to suck, but you know what, its no different than taking really bad-tasting medicine...except that the distasteful experience is a little longer.